Most significant life events (especially those commemorated with a ceremony) represent entering a new chapter of life. And every time a new chapter is started, the page must necessarily be closed on the old one. This presents conflicting emotions – the expectation of yet unknown joy in the future and grief at the loss of the known joy contained in the past simultaneously. These emotions can easily …feel overwhelming and may result in tears which are generally seen as touching and evidence of the sensitivity and sentimentality of the crier.
This is all a beautiful expression of a tender heart! Except for those of us who identify ourselves as “not a crier”. So what’s wrong with us? Do we not experience the same range of emotions as the criers? After questioning myself in this way at many events where I stood dry eyed, the answer for me personally seems to lie in my natural predelection towards positivity- I seem to have an innate desire to “look on the bright side”. It follows that when a new phase of life is commemmorated and the page closes on an important chapter of my life I can easily (and unconciously) ignore/deny the feeling of loss of a particularly wonderful period (because that feels like negativity to me) and focus only on the positive emotions of joy and excitement of the new episode of life represented at said event. I look around to see eyes brimming with tears and almsot guiltily check my emotions, but invariably I feel only a bubbly sort of joy and have a big silly grin attached firmly to my face. Honestly, I can be so wonderfully overcome with euphoria at the prospect of the joy the occasion promises that in that moment (although my head understands the conflicting sentiments of the criers) my heart can scarcely empathize at all.
But I know not to be lulled into a false sense of emotional superiority, some feelings are common to the human condition and will eventually show themselves. To move past the grief of loss of any closed chapter it must be expressed, whether in tears or just moments of melancholic reflection. It could be perhaps in 2 weeks during a 3 a.m. bathroom trip or even a month later at Kroger when I cry “because” I can’t find the kind of cheese I usually buy. This particular public display of emotion will not, however, be seen as touching or convey my sensitivity, but is primarily useful for making me look a little unstable to passersby.
So if you see me in a few days at a particular significant event and I have dry eyes and an enormous smile, know that I am not unfeeling, only genuinely happy in the moment. And if you then see me at Kroger crying over refrigerated foods, know that I am not crazy, only every bit as human as the criers….